ERIC HNATOW: If your gonna do it in someone else’s bed, don’t get all crazy under the sheets. Be tidy about it. Put your jacket down or something.

ERIC HNATOW: So, I bought you that whiskey last night. Do you want to consider it a gift or pay me back.

ERIC HNATOW: I could definitely see some more Dunks on this tour.

ERIC HNATOW: We’re sticking it to the government, one block of cheese at a time.

ERIC HNATOW: (To Person One) I’ll buy this for you because I owe you money. (To Person Two) I’ll buy this for you because I sleep with you.

ERIC HNATOW: The fake penis was really convincing. It was huge. Nearly half the size of mine.

ERIC HNATOW: Do you know what a duck boat is?

Person One: No, what?

ERIC HNATOW: A boat.

ERIC HNATOW: You don’t even look like a hipster, you look like a person with problems.

ERIC HNATOW: Erin you know what my religion is?

Person One: What?

ERIC HNATOW: Cheese is Christ. 

Person One: I’m always excited to meet someone from Pennsylvania, so that I can pronounce Lancaster, Lancaster, not Lancaster.

ERIC HNATOW: Yeah, they have the dopest Amish Market There.